I am a very driven person. I always have been. No matter how many times people tell me to slow down, take it easy, or smell the roses as I pass, I just can’t. I need a goal.
And not some pie in the sky goal. I need a path to work toward, so that once I reach it, I can set a new one. Maybe it’s like a map to life? Honestly, I couldn’t explain it in a way that makes sense – I know because I’ve tried. But this is me. This is how I operate. It either drives people crazy or makes them impressed. Rarely anything in the middle.
There’s a downside.
Being goal driven makes it easy to push just a bit more. Just a few more minutes and I’ll write twice as many words as I’d set out to. Just one more day and I’ll be exactly two weeks early for my deadline. Sleep? I can do that once I reach the goal (uh, if I don’t immediately have another waiting). Eating right? Bah. Starvation diets are the stuff of artists! Ok, mostly because we forget to eat in our creative streaks, but still. It evens out.
But last week, it finally didn’t. Years of this have all piled up. What started as a sore lower back ended up as a trip to the hospital. One kidney stone and a rather impressive infection later, my life was full-stop. I spent 2 days thinking I had food poisoning, and almost a week in the hospital after it was discovered to be a kidney stone. I don’t think I’ve been this sick in my entire life.
I’m still working on getting better. The good news is that I’m finally home again. I have the comforts every girl needs (like her puppies, husband, and undies that don’t bind when confined to bed!) I’m writing, but only a little. Mainly, that’s because my brain is so muddled on so many drugs, that I just can’t tell a story right now. Most of all, I’m sleeping.
I have another little stint of this in the future. The stone that caused all the trouble still has to come out. They got it “out of the way” while we’re curing the infection, but it has to go. That means another round of bed rest, frustration, and getting just a bit farther behind comes in two weeks.
I figure this is a very good lesson in life. Working harder doesn’t always fix the problem. Sometimes, we just don’t win. Sometimes, we just can’t make miracles happen with a few more hours of investment. Sadly, it appears that sometimes, trying too hard for too long really will catch up with us and make us pay. I’ve just done my time.
And I’m so ready to get back to writing.